My happy place

I'm floating, flying into a deep blue sky. I let my arms wide open, and I spread wings that I suddenly have, and I let winds caress my shoulder. I close my eyes, and feel breeze messing my hair, and I smile because I know that everything is gonna be alright. As I open my eyes, I can see butterflies, so many of them that it's uncountable anymore. They perch at my arms, cheek, and hands, their colorful wings unite into 1 tiny part, as if it was a part of me. As I continue my flight, I can hear water sound, I don't know where it came from, and I don't care, and I feel much relax just to hear the sound.

I keep on flying, until I find a very wide green grass hill, I can see some group of flowers here and there. I don't know each name of each flowers, I just know the colors. Small purple petals, big red ones, some whites, and some even baby blue colored. I landed on a spot of the field, I am barefoot, but I'm not afraid to hurt my feet, and the grass is so soft, it still got morning dews on them. I walk on the grass, I touch the flowers with my finger tips, as I walk, the sky color's change, to color of sky at break of dawn.Dawn is my most favorite time of day, I like to feel the air, and smell the sky light. I started to put my hands up to the air, and slowly I hopping, I sing indistinct song, and I dance slowly into the sky, and land bank to the hill. I walk and walk, and I finally I arrived at a bank of a river. It's a shallow river, with stones in it, and the water is so clear that I can see it clearly. I sit by the river, and I play with the water, I drink some water with my hands, and it tastes fresh and clean. I continue my journey, I walk, hop, and jump around on top of the grass, when I see a huge tree. I sit down under the tree, and I close my eyes, listening to birds chirping surround me. Now it is noon already, sunset is coming, so I have to wake up, and leave the green hill. I spread my wings and fly again. As I fly, sky become darker, it's going to be night soon, but it's okay, because i have so many stars surround me, to accompany my journey, until new day come.

people for a season, reason or lifetime. .

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.

The sentence above is an opening for a really beautiful message via email from my friend ( tengkyu for nonik cekingku ), and I have already sent the email to some of my close friends.

"When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done"


After I read the line, I realize that I often be in that kind of situation. In my life, I have met lots and lots of people, but most of them are not for permanent. I am a type of person who can easily care for people around me, and I am confident enough to call them my friend. I wonder if some of u have been in the same situation as me. We met some people, we become quite close with them, and not in romantic way, because we are friends. They become part of our days, and suddenly one day, there will be some circumstances which make us have to grow apart with them eventually, and it's not because we fought with the person or something, but because the situation makes us,and no matter how we want to meet each other, there will always be something come in our way, and eventually we won't feel the need to meet with each other anymore. Usually this kind of person is the kind which we can never forget, we will always care for them. I have some people who came into my life, and they have change it in many different ways. Some of them change it with their help, some people change it by their compassion, some people change it with their physical and emotional aid, and some of them even change it with the way thy leave my live, and their own life.

These people bring something which make me the way I am today, and although sometimes I really miss them until it hurts, but I now understand that they have established their place at my heart and I am so thankful for them for coming into my life when I needed them the most, and I will always love and care for them.


Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.


Sometimes, it's hard for me to tell, whether people come into my life for a reason, or for a season. It's not like I am stuck and categorizing people, but sometimes it's much easier for me to cope with the separation when I know what to do with the people, haha. I know I sound shallow now :)

Well anyway,I really think that ex-boy/girlfriends we dated or the latest fling, etc. is the people I can call that. I believe that what I feel for them was real, but it doesn't mean that it's gonna last forever. These people usually bring us joy, and memorizing them will bring smile to our lips and heart, because they have made our life brighter, and losing them, although it may also hurt, but we can get over them soon and easy. I don't want to be a seasonal person to someone, and I don't think anybody want to be a seasonal person to someone, to be dumped and forgot when they were considered out of date, but however, once or more in our lifetime, there will be a moment when we meet or be the seasonal someone. What I want to say is, when it happen to u, don't bother to have and get every happiness u can get, be joyful, laugh as much as u can, enjoy your time, because that is what they come or we come into our or their life is for, and when the time is come, let them go willingly because we have already know that they only come for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons,
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson,
love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

I think that some very special people come into our life and never go away. Some of them are people we love the most, and some of them, surprisingly, are people we don't care or expect to be by our side forever. Whoever the people are, I would like to congratulate people who have already have them, because it means that u have already got people who love u unconditionally, people who u know will always be by ur side no matter what, and to guide u through every aspect of ur life. I always thought that my best friends, or people I really care about, will always be the people in my life for my whole life. But apparently, life never goes the way we want it to be, and all we have to do is to accept the lesson, and now I'm so grateful that I am still able to be with people I do really care about, and I expect them to always be that way,being in my life forever.

However u r, always be sure that u come in this world to bring something new and different for everyone around u, and for everyone who came, leave from, and stay in my life, be sure and always know that I do care and miss everyone of u. Love u, all :D

pieces of puzzle in my life

I have once heard about an idiom, I don't remember it's exact word, but more less it goes like this : all the pieces of my puzzle has fallen into it's places.

I believe that each individuals have lots of aspects in their live, and if one or more of the aspects is missing, then their live won't be complete. For myself, I conclude that the aspects are : God, family, spouse, friends, career, and leisure ( hohohoho ) . Of they have different significance in my life,but if one ore more of them is missing, I sure am going to be unfulfilled.

About more less 3 weeks ago, I miss my job. Well I won't say that I was fired, but my company has some troubles so they rearrange the management, well in simple and straightforward way, they are closing down. I felt like my world is changing in one night because I have to move out from the place ( I was living in the company's house then, for about 5 years )ASAP, and we ( we = me and other employees ) have to finish ALL of our duties in 2 weeks. I was so stressed, because I didn't have a place to live, and if in 2 months I don't get a new job, I really sure that my parents will take me back to my hometown at Malang, and I didn't want it to happen because Bali and people I know here has grown on me and they have become a major part of my life. On that time, it felt as if my puzzle of life has been missing one by one. I don't mean to be over-reacted, but I just wonder of how the repercussion is. If I don't have any job, that means I won't have a place to live as well. Maybe I can survive for 1-2 months, living in boarding house, but if in 2 months I don't get any new job, I won't have any money, so I will have to come back to Malang. If I come back to Malang, that means I have to leave my new live and all people in it, and I was so sure that if I came back to Malang I wil end up as an insurance seller because one of my aunt a director of one of an insurance company in Malang and she is very eager to make me one of her employee ( hi ik, piizzzz... :) ) I was so stressed, I started to alienate people surround me ( and made me wrote the previous blog :p )

About 2 or 3 days after the news bomb was given, I got a phone call from my sist-i- law-to-be asked me to send a job application to one of new and prestigious resort group in nusa dua area wir. I sent it reluctantly because I thought that the place was wat too far away from where I live then, but I have got nothing else to lose. Unexpectedly, 5 days later I got a phone call from the management asked me to catch an interview on that day. I refused to come and asked for reschedule for the day after, and amazingly they agreed! After I hang up the phone, I just realized that I didn't know what job did I apply for,kinda silly huh :)

Anyway, because the place was high up the mountain, I have to borrow car from my sist-in-law-to-be ( gosh did I owe her sooo much ) and asked my boyfriend to take me there 1 hour before. But unfortunately, on the day everything seemed to go wrong. The car was not available until last minute, etc etc, but I was able to came to the interview place right on time. In a nutshell, the interview went good. I applied for 3 kinds of job, marketing, front office and secretary ( the last one was advice from my boyfriend ) , and the HRD asked me if was willing to be placed as secretary in head office, ha! On the next day, I was introduced to the President Director of the company, and he said : " well, I won't ask u too much question because I were very well recommended " OMG, I was hired!!I was asked to work the day after, but I refused because I still need to find a boarding house and settle my previous-to-be job. Few days later, I came to the company again for hand over and look for room to live. One of the boarding room that is closest to my workplace is full already, so we find another one quite far away. I haven't got any budget to buy a motorcycle so I have to walk to my work, so I asked my boyfriend to take me back to my workplace so I can measure how far should I go everyday. On our way to the office,we met the owner of the full boarding house one, and he said that it appears that there is still one empty room available at the back of the boarding house my boyfriend talked about. So we went to the place, and it was great!!well, not that great actually, because it was a little bit overpriced but still I can save some money because I don't have to buy motorcycle, hohoho.

Now as I sit at my desk and typing this blog, I realise that pieces of the puzzle in my life is falling into it's places. I have been looking for new job for 6 months and didn't suceeded, and when I thought that my world is falling down, I have a tiny and unintended chance, a chance which I don't think I will even consider if I don't have to, and it turns out to be one of the best thing happen to me. Now I'm leaving my old life behind, it's not like I didn't enjoy my previous year, but I really want to change to be a better person, not just in term of career, but in many other things that I think is too personal to talk about here.

Believe me, that when u r ready to let go, everything will come to u eventually with much than u can expect. Cheers :D

When I met angels..

Whew, it has been a very hectic and bad month for me. There were some problems in my office, and my boss keeps coming every week, asking soo many questions, and still asking us to do lots of things. By the beginning of this month, suddenly I was told that the showroom I ave been working for 4 years is going to be closed, because it occurs that the problem is unsolvable.

Actually, I have been trying to find new job for the past one year, but I still haven't got any good news yet. When my boss told our manager that he is going to close the showroom down, I thought that I was gonna have about 2-3 weeks spare to cleaning our my room, because I live in office's house, and find a new place to live, but apparently my boss wanted it to be ASAP, so I only have 1 week left to move out ( and now is the second day, I still haven't got any place to live, huahahahaha ) => crazy laught because of depression.

When I thought that my world is falling into pieces, I don't have a place to live, I wont have any money to survive in Bali so I maybe have to go back to my hometown, etc, there were some angels come into my life. What I call angel is not an angel literally, the don't have any wings, they are not blonde, and they don't wear white clothes :) They are people I have known for awhile, they are people surround me. When I said that I won't have any place to live, one of my cousin said that she is willing to let me live in her house, and one of my closest friend also said the same thing. On that day, she even has already make her maid to clean a room at her place for me to live, she even prepare a spare key for me so I can go in and out of the place freely, and I'm so thankful for that.

At the third day since my boss said that he is closing down the shop, my sister in law to be ( siltb) called me and asked me to send my resume to a luxurious hotel at Dreamland ( name of a beach at Bali ) area via email, with her recommendation, so I send it. Later that day, I got a call from the hotel asked me to come for interview. Because the place is very far from where I live now, about 45 minutes, and it's located at a high mountain, so I have to use car to go there. I don't have any car, so I have to borrow my siltb's car for my interview 2 days later. But I was so stressed that day, after I asked her to lend me a car, I had a fight with her, hahaha. But still, I borrowed her car for interview 2 days later, hahaha.

After my first interview, I was told to come again for second interview, so I have to borrow her car again. Fortunately, she was willing to borrow me her car again, she even encouraged me to go to as many interview as I could with her car. At the next day, I went to the second interview, and the boss said that I have a very good recommendation from my siltb, so he recruit me at the very moment, YAY!!!!

At my interviews, my boyfriend is the one who take me to the place, encourage me to come for interviwe even when I was so reluctant to came because the place was so far away, but he said that I have to go, even if he have to drive here and there nonstop for couple of hours because ha have to finish his work as well, he even didn't do any of his job for 2 days just to take me for interview, and that is why I love him.

Now, I am sitting at my very messy soon ex-office, I am a secretary of a hotel's Director, with salary much more than I have for 4 years, I am going to move to a new place. I don't know what or how my new life is going to be, but I know the this is a whole brand new life, and I know that I'm not scared of anything, because I know that whatever is going to happen, everything is gonna be okay because I have angels surround me :)

AAAAARRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!

I'm so tired.

Capek banget akhir2 ini. Bukan capek secara fisik, tapi lebih ke secara mental. Aku akhir2 ini rasanya terus menerus dapet telpon dari banyak orang, dengerin curhatan2 yang tanpa henti, tanpa ada yang peduli tentang moodku sendiri. They don't even bother to ask how do I feel, do I am willing to listen to them, and they don't even ask me if I have a problem or not., and some of them even dare to criticize me! I feel like I don't have enough time to listen to my own thoughts and spend quality time with myself because I have to bother about other people's feeling!

Aku lagi capek banget, capek ngikutin aturan, capek ngikutin or mikirin masalah orang, mikirin pendapat orang tentang aku, dan mikirin tentang resiko2 dari segala tindakanku. Capek harus dengerin kritik tentang gimana sebaiknya aku bertindak, gimana aku harus menjadi orang yang lebih baik, capek harus selalu merhatiin ato mikirin naik turunnya mood orang lain, tanpa mereka mikirin naik turun mood aku. Capek selalu dibilang ga bisa baca situasi, capek selalu dibilang saiko karena terlalu sering ngasi pertanyaan. Mereka mungkin ga sadar, ato mungkin mereka sadar dan sengaja pengen melukai aku dengan bilang gitu, yang jelas aku terluka. Aku udah berusaha berubah. Aku tau usahaku belum nunjukin hasil, tapi aku udah berusaha. Aku pengen usahaku ini dihargai, dan terutama, aku pengen orang lain juga berusaha.

This is a two way street. Orang2 yang mengkritik aku juga bukan orang yang perfect, tapi mereka lebih suka ngliat kesalahan orang lain, dan aku selalu ngrasa bisa menerima kritikan apapun. Tapi aku pengen kritikan2 tentang flaw ato personality itu berjalan dua arah. Kenapa sih harus selalu aku yang merubah diri untuk orang2 sekitarku? Kenapa sih harus selalu aku yang nyocokin diri dengan mood mereka, tanpa mereka harus even bother to consider my feeling?Aku capek berusaha jadi orang yang baek untuk semua orang. Aku males harus selalu merhatiin perasaan dan perubahan mood orang laen, kalo mereka sendiri juga ga merhatiin perasaanku. Dan merhatiin disini bukan sekadar nanyain : ' Din, kamu kenapa? ' . Tapi juga bisa baca moodku kalo lagi ga pengen diganggu, lagi ga pengen dikritik, ato lagi ga pengen peduli sama orang lain.

Mungkin itu semua salah dari aku juga, yang terlalu takut kehilangan seseorang kalo aku bikin salah di mata mereka, tidak perfect di mata mereka, tapi sekarang aku pikirin lagi, why bother? This is my life, and if I can't enjoy my own life because I let other people take it from my, I will be the dumbest person in the world. I want to be selfish, I want to be annoying, I want to be indifferent, I want to be childish, I want to be silly, I want to be cranky, because this is the real me, and I enjoy being myself.

My cooking (in)ability

Aku adalah satu2nya anak cewek di keluarga. Aku cuma 2 bersodara, kakakku cowok beda 5 taun sama aku. Ortuku juga kadang agak2 manjain gitu deh, jarang disuruh ngerjain pekerjaan rumah kecuali kalo pembantu lagi liburan hari raya. Ga tau gara2 itu ato emang akunya yang bego, sampe sekarang aku parah banget kalo disuruh nglakuin pekerjaan cewek yang namanya masak, padahal mama papaku pada pinter masak dan enak pula. Paling suka kalo mama masak martabak telor n papa bikin ayam bakar, NYAM!!

Kadang dulu jaman masih SMP or SMA, kalo mama or papa masak, aku mesti kebagian tugas motong2 or ngupas2, soalnya ga bisa ngerjain yang laennya. Pernah aku disuruh ngulek cabe n bawang buat dibikin sambel, ampe setengah jam cabe yang cuma 3 potong n bawang 4 siung ga alus2, ga tau juga kenapa ya?Kalo kata mama sih gara2 tanganku kurang luwes megang ulekannya. Padahal akunya juga udah megang dengan berbagai posisi, gonta-ganti tangan pula.

Sekarang aku udah tinggal sendiri, jauh dari ortu dan pembantu yang setia masakin aku, jadi aku ngrasa udah saatnya aku belajar masak. Pernah dulu ada temenku yang beli kacang edamame ( bener ga sih namanya?), trus pengennya kita rebus buat cemilan malam yang sehat lah. Karena aku ga pun ya panci, jadi kita ngrebusnya pake wajan. Sambil nungguin kacangnya matang, aku n temenku masuk kamar buat ngadem sekalian ngobrol. After 20 menitan gitu, aku pengen ke toilet, tapi keluar dari kamar kok ada bau gosong...dan ternyata, O H M Y G O A T ! ! ...aku lupa kalo lagi ngrebus kacang, jadi aernya udah menguap semua dan kacangnya udah bertransformasi jadi gumpalan gelap kayak arang yang berkerak dan harus direndem aer semaleman buar bersihin, hikz :'(

Pernah juga aku lagi di rumah cowoku lagi liburan. Siang2 pas aku laper, buka2 kulkas yang ada cuma tempe utuh n dayur2an mentah n daging2an yang aku ga brani masak coz ga tau caranya. Karena udah laper banget, aku inisiatif goreng tempe ajah ( coz itu satu2nya yang aku tau cara masaknya ). Aku nanya cowoku gimana cara goreng tuh tempe, dia bilang :

" potong2 aja "

tanpa penjelasan lebih lanjut. Dengan sok pinternya aku potong2 tuh tempe sesuai selera, trus aku panasin minyak, aku cemplungin deh ke penggorengan. Ternyata dari blakang kakaknya cowoku udah yang heboh, dia bilang kalo sebelum digoreng harusnya tu tempe dicelup2 dulu ke aer garem gitu...ealaaahhhh......

Pernah juga aku lagi laper berat di mes, pas hari libur, warung pada tutup, mau nyebrang bypass buat beli makan juga takut ( aku juga ga bisa nyebrang jalan, huhuhuhuu....). Pas buka kulkas, eh ternyata ada beras,jadi aku masak nasi deh. Tapi karena aku bikin nasinya dikit banget, cuma buat sekadar pengganjal perut, aku jadi bingung takarannya gimana ( suer,kalo berasnya banyak aku tau kok takaran aernya seberapa =p hehehe ) jadi aku sok2an nakar pake jari ala orang dulu gitu lah..emang sempet kepikir juga sih, rasanya kok aernya kebanyakan,tapi karena rasanya aernya setinggi buku jari sesuai ajaran, aku pede aja nyalain rice cookernya..setelah bout 1 jam aku tunggu, kayaknya nasi udah jadi deh, aku buka rice cookernya, dan ternyataaaaaa....nasi sudah menjadi bubur, literally!!!jadi hari itu aku makan bubur dengan lauk telur dadar, heheh...

Tapi ampe sejauh ini, aku bisa dengan bangga mengatakan kalo masak sekedar brokoli oseng bawang putih or kangkung trasi, meski penampilannya masih kurang menarik, tapi rasanya udah oke kok :D

Kegaringan seorang gadis

Ada 1 temen aku , cewek, single..cantik sih, tapi kadang agak 'gila'. Kemaren dia lagi kena dry spell, seharian dia mematung tergaring2 di kantor. Semua diawali pada tanggal 15 Mei pagi. Dia terbangun dengan perut lapar, untung pembantu tercinta udah nyiapin makanan. Alhasil sarapan-lah dia dengan..hmm, I don't know what the indonesian word for it, tapi kalo orang jawa sih nyebutnya 'Gambas' =p . After makan, dia turun ke kantornya di lantai 1. karena dia ga ada apapun buat dikerjain, main YM lah dia. Aku sempet YM berjam-jam ama dia coz aku juga pas lagi garing banget. We talked bout nothing in particular, cuma saling manggil nama, maen2 pake huruf font 38 dll, huehehehe. Karena hari itu kita kira ga bakalan ngerjain apa2, kita pun janjian ama beberapa orang temen buat jalan n maen bareng. Karena dia ada janjian ama orang laen, jadi aku n temenku jalan duluan. Aku n temenku makan duluan, n kita rencana bungkusin makanan titipan dia juga, yang ya oloh banyaknyaaa, biar ga ribet. Pas aku tengah2 makan, aku dapet telp dari cowoku yang ternyata nyuruh aku ke tempat dia ASAP coz ada sesuatu yang urgent, so terpaksalah temenku nganter aku ke tempat cowoku n ngedrop aku disana. Saking buru2nya kita, aku lupa sama sekali buat bungkusin ni temen makanan titipannya dia. Betenya lagi, gara2 aku terpaksa nemuin cowoku, temen2ku jadi pada ilfil n sepakat batalin jalan barengnya.

Jadi terpuruklah temenku ini sendirian di kantornya, tanpa kendaraan coz lagi dibawa ama temen kerjanya, tanpa bahan makanan apapun di kulkasnya. Akhirnya dia nelpon salah satu temennya, nitip chinese food Koloke. Dengan terngiler2 dia bayangin koloke yang renyak, dengan bumbu kuahnya yang warna merah orange seger, dimakan pake nasi anget, hmm...Ternyata, yang dateng adalah koloke yang udah ga renyah lagi, terapung didalem kuahnya yang berwarna ITEM!!Ternyata ni koloke yang laen daripada yang laen, karena kuahnya ga dipakein tomat melaenkan..Kecap!!Karena lagi laper berat, terpaksalah dia terima aja tuh makanan, dan dia menemukan fakta bahwa nasinya basi.Kalo dalam keadaan biasa, dia pasti udah ngomel2 panjang ke sang pembantu, tapi gara2 hari itu otaknya udah kebas gara2 kegaringan, dia cuma bisa bilang :
" Mbak...nasinya basi...." Dengan nada lemas

Dan si mbak dengan ga kalah garingnya ngejawab :
" masa non........"

Tapi demi perutnya yang lapar, terpaksalah dia makan tuh nasi basi n koloke item.

After makan, dia pengen cari pencuci mulut. Karena lagi ga ada kendaraan, dia ubek2 kulkasnya. Kebetulan dia nemu terong belanda ( aku juga ga tau barang apaan itu, tapi dia bilang sih enak dibuat jus ). Pas dia lagi ngupas terong, dia baru nyadar kalo gulanya udah abis. Alhasil batallah dia ngupas tu terong coz dia udah ilfil duluan.

Karena dia masih lapar n ga puas ama makanan tadi, dia buka2 kulkas lagi, dan dia nemuin wortel. Biasanya dia ngejus wortel pake campuran tomat or yoghurt. Tapi karena hari itu lagi ga ada apa2 di kulkas, dia bikin aja tuh wortel yang diblender pake aer banyaakkk...Karena wortel itu banyak ampasnya, jadi dia saring ampas wortelnya, trus dia minum deh aer wortel itu, eeewwww...

Ampe detik ini aku YM ama dia pun ternyata dia juga masih tergaring2..huahahahaha...