blog post for Alm. Glen

This is gonna be my first blog in Indonesian Language after awhile, coz this post is dedicated especially for Glen, and people who know him.

Memoriku paling fresh tentang Glen adalah, waktu aku pulang malang beberapa bulan lalu, aku clubbing ama dia n 1 temen lagi, bertiga aja, naik motor!! That was my first, adn I hope the last time, I've ever gone to club riding motorcycle. Ga bakalan mau ngulang lagi deh, sereeemm..

Glen tu lucu, Glen tu bego, Glen tu sabar. Itu kesan pertamaku pas kenal dia. Aku inget waktu itu dia 'dibawa' ama salah satu temen kita juga ( Alm. Ko Titi ) maen ke rumah, waktu itu aku belum kenal dia, tapi aku udah ikut2an ngerjain dia, sementara dianya pasraaah aja :) he was a very sweet person. Dari perkenalan pertama, dia mulai makin sering dateng ke rumahku, soalnya emang tempat itu basecampnya anak2, tempat kita suka ngumpul n 'doing nothing" bareng :D setiap ketemu Glen, dia pasti ada 1 jargon yang olweys dia omongin ke mamaku : " ai, aku ini asline dari awal ketemu seneng sama Dina, tapi areke ga mau seh". disina nama Dina bisa diganti jadi nama sapapun, jadi dengan kata laen, dia naksir semua orang dan ditolak sama semua orang! hahaha..

Kenangan laen tentang Glen..mmh, kalo lagi ada uang, royalnyaa minta ampun, semua uang dikasi ke kita buat jajan :) sampe kita suka ngeri sendiri, akhirnya kita yang nolak2 kalo Glen udah ngeluarin uang. Tapi emang itulah Glen, dia sangat sayang sama temen2nya, dan dia bakal ngrelain apapun yang dia punya demi temennya. Glen adalah salah satu dari sedikit temen kita yang paling setia, yang kalo ditelpon dadakan buat dimintain tolong selalu available buat bantuin, tanpa ngomel, tanpa sok2an ga bisa dateng, dan ga pernah ungkit2 tentang ngebantuin kita. Pernah juga dia ujan2 belain nganter/ jemput :lupa: temenku dari kos2annya buat dibawa ke rumahku, dan temenku sampe sekarang masi inget sama kejadian itu.

Aku inget kalo ga salah dulu Glen pernah crita tentang masa kecilnya ke aku. Papanya adalah orang yang sangat keras, dan waktu kecil dulu, dia sering dipukulin sama papanya. Hal itu bikin dia sempet bencii banget ama papanya, dan dia sempet jadi anak nakal yang suka tarung ama sapapun yang ganggu dia. Tapi kemudian dia bertobat, masuk kedalam kehidupan Gereja, dan dari situ dia perlahan2 berubah menjadi Glen yang kita kenal kemudian, Glen yang sabar, penyayang dan setia. Sejak dia dibawa ke rumah kami dan dibawa masuk ke kehidupan kami, dia sudah menempati hati kami dengan caranya sendiri. Sampe2 waktu temen kita yang pertama ngenalin dia ke kita udah jarang kontek n ketemu sama kita coz dia pindah kerja ke kota lain, Glen masih tetep setia dateng nemenin kerluargaku. Saat temen2 yang laen udah punya kehidupan sendiri, saat semua punya maenan n hobi baru yang mungkin lebih fun daripada sekedar nangkring n doing nothing di rumahku, dia masih setia dateng, dan setiap aku pulang Malang, dia adalah selalu salah satu orang pertama yang ngabsen buat nemuin aku :') padahal aku ga pernah bawain dia oleh2, hehehe..

Salah satu kejadian lucu waktu dia dateng ke Bali, waktu itu aku kalo ga salah aku lagi di Malang, so cowoku lah yang nemuin dia yang dateng sama kokoku waktu itu. Waktu lagi duduk2 di pantai malem2, kokoku n cowoku yang abis beli minuman di circle k deket pantai, balik2 nyari Glen udah ga ketemu. Setelah mereka nyusurin pantai semalam sekitar setengah jam, baru mereka berhasil nemuin Glen yang ternyata lagi asik ngrayu cewek (>_<)

Awal tahun ini, waktu nenekku meninggal, dia adalah salah satu orang yang paling sering nemenin kita nungguin di persemayaman nenekku di Gotong Royong di Malang. Glen sempet bikin heboh juga di Gotong Royong, baru juga dateng di sana, beberapa menit kemudian dia pengen ngroko, so dengan gaya sok kerennya dia jalan sambil ngeluarin rokok dari kantongnya, tanpa sadar kalo koreknya dia ikut ketarik, dan jatuhlah korek itu sambil ngluarin bunyi ledakan kecil tapi lumayan kenceng coz suasananya pas lagi sepi gitu. Glen cuma bisa diem, liatin kita dengan muka salting abiiss, trus pura2 cool n nglanjutin jalan keluar sama megang rokok. Aku, kokoku n cowoku yang liat kejadian itu cuma bisa diem nahan ketawa nunggu Glen udah ga di dalem ruangan lagi, trus kita ikut nyusul keluar nemuin Glen , baru kita semua ketawa kenceng2! Aku ga akan pernah lupa ekspresi wajahnya dia saat itu, gabungan antara kaget, malu, salting n jaim, hihihihihi..

Back in the present time, kehilangan Glen adalah sesuatu yang ga pernah kami sangka bakal terjadi. Sebelumnya dia ga ada sakit, ga ada kabar buruk apapun. Aku lagi mandi waktu ada sms masuk, ternyata kokoku yang sms , simple banget kata2nya : ' telah beristirahat dengna tenang di sisi-Nya, teman dan saudara kita, Glen". Badanku langsung lemes saat itu, aku langsung nelpon kokoku yang mengkonfirmasi smsnya. Kejadiannya cepet banget, dia mendadak sakit perut, trus dibawa sama keluarganya ke rumah sakit tapi udah keburu meninggal..1 kehidupan lagi telah diambil dari hidup kami, 1 cinta dalam dunia kami telang pergi. Glen yang belum sempet pernah ngrasain kebahagiaan yang bener bener bahagia, Glen yang sabar, tapi selalu sial :)

We are letting u go, Glen..move along and dance away..take a piece of our heart, and keep it until one day we meet again, we are all gonna miss u so much. May u find peace, may God brings u happiness u haven't found in your life..Take care, our beloved brother, we love u. Goodbye, God bless..


Dedicated for Glen, 5 October 2009

My Reflection bout random things

I'm bored. Lately, I feel bored with my routine. I tend to feel this whenever end of year is approaching, with all my friends are planning to gather to celebrate New Year's eve, I start to feel like I want to turn back time to when I was still in high school or college, surrounded by friends, and everything is going as I want them to be, everything is simple, and today's problem can be solved tomorrow :) Nothing was really matter then, my real problem was my crazy lecturer who gave us "F" point for hijacking his test, etc etc.

Back to present time, few days lately I was very bored. I feel like everything, or maybe even everyone surround me are boring, not because of who they are, but because actually I was bored with myself. On that time, my old-bad-habit is back. I started to pity myself and my lonely, boring routine life. I started to feel less valuable, I started to feel less self-confidence, the feeling I have been struggling to push aside, the feeling that sometimes make my friends criticized me, the feeling that tend to make me too needy, by looking for everyone's attention, or contrarily just avoid all of them. This weird feeling unfortunately very often come into my mind, and I have to work so hard to push them aside, sometimes I was succeed, but more often I was failed. That's why many people consider me as unstable person, and I understand why they think so, because even I sometimes don't understand myself.

When this feeling comes, I usually will try to say mean things, do some crazy things unexpectedly, or just ask for everyone's attention and affection, pathetic isn't it?! :) I will keep sending people messages, or do whatever it takes to got their attention. Sometimes I feel self pity for myself, and I understand myself for feeling that, because I will start to feel that way only when I was really sad, depressed or lonely, so when I feel that way, which is very rarely happen, I will just do things by myself, and play some old memories I've missed so much, about anyone I love on that time. The bad thing is, when this happen, I won't feel better, and this is the part I hate. I don't criticize myself for feeling self pity, because I rarely feel that, and when that happen, I want to take my time as much as I could. When I said some mean thing, I also almost never regret it,coz I consider myself to be a quite mannered person, so I won't say cruel things to innocent people.

What I usually regret when I was in self-pity-period is when I started to become needy, asking for anyone's affection, or just giving random affection to people I'm not very close with, just to test myself and how people react in one condition. Like now, I have been feeling unhappy and easily irritated for about 2 weeks, and I have been doing some things I hate, although most of them were just in my head, but I realize that it still affect my outer appearance, I realized that I have been grumpy, and unstable lately.

Fortunately, this last two or more days, I got some reinforcement, I believe that this is God's hand, carried me through unexpected people, just exactly like how it always been. I didn't get this support from people I expected to give, but still, their words were like a cold showers, cleaned my dark heart, and I started to be able to see anything clearly again :D

I hate self pity people, and I hate envious people. Both of them is the same for me, one thing is leading to other thing. I have been there, and believe me, those feelings won't make you feel better.

When I got out from my self-pity, I's still bored, but I feel better about myself :D today is still boring, people surround me are still annoying, but I feel better about myself :) I know that I don't have to ask for people to care for me, and although they don't care for me, I know I can still have a good time for myself, and many people will still love me, no matter how I look, and no matter how I felt. Just make myself thinking that I'm happy, try to remember each thing I can feel thankful for, and it all will come as reality :)

L.o.n.e.l.y and m.e.l.l.o.w

I feel so lonely and mellow today.

I'm bored with my routine, wake up in 6 a.m in the morning, rush to work, working, sitting in front of computer and doing everything my boss ask me to do that day. Waiting for time to go home, back to my "kos-kos'an", washing my clothes, or ironing my clean laundry while watching DVD or Gossip show.

I miss Kuta crowd, I miss living in Kuta , because it's near to anywhere, and it has so many interesting and new things everyday. I miss seing strangers, local or tourist walking around at street, doing their own business. I miss meeting my friends and hanging out with them, act like nothing is matter to us, playing, walking and eating.

I miss affection I get from people I usually met. I miss connection I feel with people I love when I meet them oftenly. I used to spend almost every days in my week to hang out with people around me, especially my friends and boyfriend. I miss so many things. Although I still meet my best friend 'beb' occasionally, and my boyfriend once a week,but still I have 3-4 days doing nothing. It's not that I'm bored meeting my co-workers,and I'm not bored with my routine in office because everyday my work is various, one time I'm very busy like crazy, and one hour later I will have nothing to do at all, and doing all of them are exciting. But what I'm bored of the most is my routine, I wanna have life. I don't feel like I live in Bali, except when it's saturday already and my boyfriend come to pick me up. I'm so f#*king bored, gosh!!

I actually have a motorcycle and I can go to Kuta whenever I want to, but the problem is because I'm very uncoordinated, I can break and crash many things I got pass through even when I was just walking, so u can imagine how awful it is for me to ride motorcycle, and my workplace is somewhere at quite high place in mountain area, it has lots of hills, and I'm scared that if I ride my motorcycle I'm gonna get bad thing happen to me. But seeing my bored days lately, I must reconsider, because however, this is my own life, and I can't expect every people to come to me.

Pray for my safety, guys..gonna meet u at Kuta later!! :D

My happy place

I'm floating, flying into a deep blue sky. I let my arms wide open, and I spread wings that I suddenly have, and I let winds caress my shoulder. I close my eyes, and feel breeze messing my hair, and I smile because I know that everything is gonna be alright. As I open my eyes, I can see butterflies, so many of them that it's uncountable anymore. They perch at my arms, cheek, and hands, their colorful wings unite into 1 tiny part, as if it was a part of me. As I continue my flight, I can hear water sound, I don't know where it came from, and I don't care, and I feel much relax just to hear the sound.

I keep on flying, until I find a very wide green grass hill, I can see some group of flowers here and there. I don't know each name of each flowers, I just know the colors. Small purple petals, big red ones, some whites, and some even baby blue colored. I landed on a spot of the field, I am barefoot, but I'm not afraid to hurt my feet, and the grass is so soft, it still got morning dews on them. I walk on the grass, I touch the flowers with my finger tips, as I walk, the sky color's change, to color of sky at break of dawn.Dawn is my most favorite time of day, I like to feel the air, and smell the sky light. I started to put my hands up to the air, and slowly I hopping, I sing indistinct song, and I dance slowly into the sky, and land bank to the hill. I walk and walk, and I finally I arrived at a bank of a river. It's a shallow river, with stones in it, and the water is so clear that I can see it clearly. I sit by the river, and I play with the water, I drink some water with my hands, and it tastes fresh and clean. I continue my journey, I walk, hop, and jump around on top of the grass, when I see a huge tree. I sit down under the tree, and I close my eyes, listening to birds chirping surround me. Now it is noon already, sunset is coming, so I have to wake up, and leave the green hill. I spread my wings and fly again. As I fly, sky become darker, it's going to be night soon, but it's okay, because i have so many stars surround me, to accompany my journey, until new day come.

people for a season, reason or lifetime. .

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.

The sentence above is an opening for a really beautiful message via email from my friend ( tengkyu for nonik cekingku ), and I have already sent the email to some of my close friends.

"When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done"


After I read the line, I realize that I often be in that kind of situation. In my life, I have met lots and lots of people, but most of them are not for permanent. I am a type of person who can easily care for people around me, and I am confident enough to call them my friend. I wonder if some of u have been in the same situation as me. We met some people, we become quite close with them, and not in romantic way, because we are friends. They become part of our days, and suddenly one day, there will be some circumstances which make us have to grow apart with them eventually, and it's not because we fought with the person or something, but because the situation makes us,and no matter how we want to meet each other, there will always be something come in our way, and eventually we won't feel the need to meet with each other anymore. Usually this kind of person is the kind which we can never forget, we will always care for them. I have some people who came into my life, and they have change it in many different ways. Some of them change it with their help, some people change it by their compassion, some people change it with their physical and emotional aid, and some of them even change it with the way thy leave my live, and their own life.

These people bring something which make me the way I am today, and although sometimes I really miss them until it hurts, but I now understand that they have established their place at my heart and I am so thankful for them for coming into my life when I needed them the most, and I will always love and care for them.


Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.


Sometimes, it's hard for me to tell, whether people come into my life for a reason, or for a season. It's not like I am stuck and categorizing people, but sometimes it's much easier for me to cope with the separation when I know what to do with the people, haha. I know I sound shallow now :)

Well anyway,I really think that ex-boy/girlfriends we dated or the latest fling, etc. is the people I can call that. I believe that what I feel for them was real, but it doesn't mean that it's gonna last forever. These people usually bring us joy, and memorizing them will bring smile to our lips and heart, because they have made our life brighter, and losing them, although it may also hurt, but we can get over them soon and easy. I don't want to be a seasonal person to someone, and I don't think anybody want to be a seasonal person to someone, to be dumped and forgot when they were considered out of date, but however, once or more in our lifetime, there will be a moment when we meet or be the seasonal someone. What I want to say is, when it happen to u, don't bother to have and get every happiness u can get, be joyful, laugh as much as u can, enjoy your time, because that is what they come or we come into our or their life is for, and when the time is come, let them go willingly because we have already know that they only come for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons,
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson,
love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

I think that some very special people come into our life and never go away. Some of them are people we love the most, and some of them, surprisingly, are people we don't care or expect to be by our side forever. Whoever the people are, I would like to congratulate people who have already have them, because it means that u have already got people who love u unconditionally, people who u know will always be by ur side no matter what, and to guide u through every aspect of ur life. I always thought that my best friends, or people I really care about, will always be the people in my life for my whole life. But apparently, life never goes the way we want it to be, and all we have to do is to accept the lesson, and now I'm so grateful that I am still able to be with people I do really care about, and I expect them to always be that way,being in my life forever.

However u r, always be sure that u come in this world to bring something new and different for everyone around u, and for everyone who came, leave from, and stay in my life, be sure and always know that I do care and miss everyone of u. Love u, all :D

pieces of puzzle in my life

I have once heard about an idiom, I don't remember it's exact word, but more less it goes like this : all the pieces of my puzzle has fallen into it's places.

I believe that each individuals have lots of aspects in their live, and if one or more of the aspects is missing, then their live won't be complete. For myself, I conclude that the aspects are : God, family, spouse, friends, career, and leisure ( hohohoho ) . Of they have different significance in my life,but if one ore more of them is missing, I sure am going to be unfulfilled.

About more less 3 weeks ago, I miss my job. Well I won't say that I was fired, but my company has some troubles so they rearrange the management, well in simple and straightforward way, they are closing down. I felt like my world is changing in one night because I have to move out from the place ( I was living in the company's house then, for about 5 years )ASAP, and we ( we = me and other employees ) have to finish ALL of our duties in 2 weeks. I was so stressed, because I didn't have a place to live, and if in 2 months I don't get a new job, I really sure that my parents will take me back to my hometown at Malang, and I didn't want it to happen because Bali and people I know here has grown on me and they have become a major part of my life. On that time, it felt as if my puzzle of life has been missing one by one. I don't mean to be over-reacted, but I just wonder of how the repercussion is. If I don't have any job, that means I won't have a place to live as well. Maybe I can survive for 1-2 months, living in boarding house, but if in 2 months I don't get any new job, I won't have any money, so I will have to come back to Malang. If I come back to Malang, that means I have to leave my new live and all people in it, and I was so sure that if I came back to Malang I wil end up as an insurance seller because one of my aunt a director of one of an insurance company in Malang and she is very eager to make me one of her employee ( hi ik, piizzzz... :) ) I was so stressed, I started to alienate people surround me ( and made me wrote the previous blog :p )

About 2 or 3 days after the news bomb was given, I got a phone call from my sist-i- law-to-be asked me to send a job application to one of new and prestigious resort group in nusa dua area wir. I sent it reluctantly because I thought that the place was wat too far away from where I live then, but I have got nothing else to lose. Unexpectedly, 5 days later I got a phone call from the management asked me to catch an interview on that day. I refused to come and asked for reschedule for the day after, and amazingly they agreed! After I hang up the phone, I just realized that I didn't know what job did I apply for,kinda silly huh :)

Anyway, because the place was high up the mountain, I have to borrow car from my sist-in-law-to-be ( gosh did I owe her sooo much ) and asked my boyfriend to take me there 1 hour before. But unfortunately, on the day everything seemed to go wrong. The car was not available until last minute, etc etc, but I was able to came to the interview place right on time. In a nutshell, the interview went good. I applied for 3 kinds of job, marketing, front office and secretary ( the last one was advice from my boyfriend ) , and the HRD asked me if was willing to be placed as secretary in head office, ha! On the next day, I was introduced to the President Director of the company, and he said : " well, I won't ask u too much question because I were very well recommended " OMG, I was hired!!I was asked to work the day after, but I refused because I still need to find a boarding house and settle my previous-to-be job. Few days later, I came to the company again for hand over and look for room to live. One of the boarding room that is closest to my workplace is full already, so we find another one quite far away. I haven't got any budget to buy a motorcycle so I have to walk to my work, so I asked my boyfriend to take me back to my workplace so I can measure how far should I go everyday. On our way to the office,we met the owner of the full boarding house one, and he said that it appears that there is still one empty room available at the back of the boarding house my boyfriend talked about. So we went to the place, and it was great!!well, not that great actually, because it was a little bit overpriced but still I can save some money because I don't have to buy motorcycle, hohoho.

Now as I sit at my desk and typing this blog, I realise that pieces of the puzzle in my life is falling into it's places. I have been looking for new job for 6 months and didn't suceeded, and when I thought that my world is falling down, I have a tiny and unintended chance, a chance which I don't think I will even consider if I don't have to, and it turns out to be one of the best thing happen to me. Now I'm leaving my old life behind, it's not like I didn't enjoy my previous year, but I really want to change to be a better person, not just in term of career, but in many other things that I think is too personal to talk about here.

Believe me, that when u r ready to let go, everything will come to u eventually with much than u can expect. Cheers :D

When I met angels..

Whew, it has been a very hectic and bad month for me. There were some problems in my office, and my boss keeps coming every week, asking soo many questions, and still asking us to do lots of things. By the beginning of this month, suddenly I was told that the showroom I ave been working for 4 years is going to be closed, because it occurs that the problem is unsolvable.

Actually, I have been trying to find new job for the past one year, but I still haven't got any good news yet. When my boss told our manager that he is going to close the showroom down, I thought that I was gonna have about 2-3 weeks spare to cleaning our my room, because I live in office's house, and find a new place to live, but apparently my boss wanted it to be ASAP, so I only have 1 week left to move out ( and now is the second day, I still haven't got any place to live, huahahahaha ) => crazy laught because of depression.

When I thought that my world is falling into pieces, I don't have a place to live, I wont have any money to survive in Bali so I maybe have to go back to my hometown, etc, there were some angels come into my life. What I call angel is not an angel literally, the don't have any wings, they are not blonde, and they don't wear white clothes :) They are people I have known for awhile, they are people surround me. When I said that I won't have any place to live, one of my cousin said that she is willing to let me live in her house, and one of my closest friend also said the same thing. On that day, she even has already make her maid to clean a room at her place for me to live, she even prepare a spare key for me so I can go in and out of the place freely, and I'm so thankful for that.

At the third day since my boss said that he is closing down the shop, my sister in law to be ( siltb) called me and asked me to send my resume to a luxurious hotel at Dreamland ( name of a beach at Bali ) area via email, with her recommendation, so I send it. Later that day, I got a call from the hotel asked me to come for interview. Because the place is very far from where I live now, about 45 minutes, and it's located at a high mountain, so I have to use car to go there. I don't have any car, so I have to borrow my siltb's car for my interview 2 days later. But I was so stressed that day, after I asked her to lend me a car, I had a fight with her, hahaha. But still, I borrowed her car for interview 2 days later, hahaha.

After my first interview, I was told to come again for second interview, so I have to borrow her car again. Fortunately, she was willing to borrow me her car again, she even encouraged me to go to as many interview as I could with her car. At the next day, I went to the second interview, and the boss said that I have a very good recommendation from my siltb, so he recruit me at the very moment, YAY!!!!

At my interviews, my boyfriend is the one who take me to the place, encourage me to come for interviwe even when I was so reluctant to came because the place was so far away, but he said that I have to go, even if he have to drive here and there nonstop for couple of hours because ha have to finish his work as well, he even didn't do any of his job for 2 days just to take me for interview, and that is why I love him.

Now, I am sitting at my very messy soon ex-office, I am a secretary of a hotel's Director, with salary much more than I have for 4 years, I am going to move to a new place. I don't know what or how my new life is going to be, but I know the this is a whole brand new life, and I know that I'm not scared of anything, because I know that whatever is going to happen, everything is gonna be okay because I have angels surround me :)

AAAAARRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!

I'm so tired.

Capek banget akhir2 ini. Bukan capek secara fisik, tapi lebih ke secara mental. Aku akhir2 ini rasanya terus menerus dapet telpon dari banyak orang, dengerin curhatan2 yang tanpa henti, tanpa ada yang peduli tentang moodku sendiri. They don't even bother to ask how do I feel, do I am willing to listen to them, and they don't even ask me if I have a problem or not., and some of them even dare to criticize me! I feel like I don't have enough time to listen to my own thoughts and spend quality time with myself because I have to bother about other people's feeling!

Aku lagi capek banget, capek ngikutin aturan, capek ngikutin or mikirin masalah orang, mikirin pendapat orang tentang aku, dan mikirin tentang resiko2 dari segala tindakanku. Capek harus dengerin kritik tentang gimana sebaiknya aku bertindak, gimana aku harus menjadi orang yang lebih baik, capek harus selalu merhatiin ato mikirin naik turunnya mood orang lain, tanpa mereka mikirin naik turun mood aku. Capek selalu dibilang ga bisa baca situasi, capek selalu dibilang saiko karena terlalu sering ngasi pertanyaan. Mereka mungkin ga sadar, ato mungkin mereka sadar dan sengaja pengen melukai aku dengan bilang gitu, yang jelas aku terluka. Aku udah berusaha berubah. Aku tau usahaku belum nunjukin hasil, tapi aku udah berusaha. Aku pengen usahaku ini dihargai, dan terutama, aku pengen orang lain juga berusaha.

This is a two way street. Orang2 yang mengkritik aku juga bukan orang yang perfect, tapi mereka lebih suka ngliat kesalahan orang lain, dan aku selalu ngrasa bisa menerima kritikan apapun. Tapi aku pengen kritikan2 tentang flaw ato personality itu berjalan dua arah. Kenapa sih harus selalu aku yang merubah diri untuk orang2 sekitarku? Kenapa sih harus selalu aku yang nyocokin diri dengan mood mereka, tanpa mereka harus even bother to consider my feeling?Aku capek berusaha jadi orang yang baek untuk semua orang. Aku males harus selalu merhatiin perasaan dan perubahan mood orang laen, kalo mereka sendiri juga ga merhatiin perasaanku. Dan merhatiin disini bukan sekadar nanyain : ' Din, kamu kenapa? ' . Tapi juga bisa baca moodku kalo lagi ga pengen diganggu, lagi ga pengen dikritik, ato lagi ga pengen peduli sama orang lain.

Mungkin itu semua salah dari aku juga, yang terlalu takut kehilangan seseorang kalo aku bikin salah di mata mereka, tidak perfect di mata mereka, tapi sekarang aku pikirin lagi, why bother? This is my life, and if I can't enjoy my own life because I let other people take it from my, I will be the dumbest person in the world. I want to be selfish, I want to be annoying, I want to be indifferent, I want to be childish, I want to be silly, I want to be cranky, because this is the real me, and I enjoy being myself.

My cooking (in)ability

Aku adalah satu2nya anak cewek di keluarga. Aku cuma 2 bersodara, kakakku cowok beda 5 taun sama aku. Ortuku juga kadang agak2 manjain gitu deh, jarang disuruh ngerjain pekerjaan rumah kecuali kalo pembantu lagi liburan hari raya. Ga tau gara2 itu ato emang akunya yang bego, sampe sekarang aku parah banget kalo disuruh nglakuin pekerjaan cewek yang namanya masak, padahal mama papaku pada pinter masak dan enak pula. Paling suka kalo mama masak martabak telor n papa bikin ayam bakar, NYAM!!

Kadang dulu jaman masih SMP or SMA, kalo mama or papa masak, aku mesti kebagian tugas motong2 or ngupas2, soalnya ga bisa ngerjain yang laennya. Pernah aku disuruh ngulek cabe n bawang buat dibikin sambel, ampe setengah jam cabe yang cuma 3 potong n bawang 4 siung ga alus2, ga tau juga kenapa ya?Kalo kata mama sih gara2 tanganku kurang luwes megang ulekannya. Padahal akunya juga udah megang dengan berbagai posisi, gonta-ganti tangan pula.

Sekarang aku udah tinggal sendiri, jauh dari ortu dan pembantu yang setia masakin aku, jadi aku ngrasa udah saatnya aku belajar masak. Pernah dulu ada temenku yang beli kacang edamame ( bener ga sih namanya?), trus pengennya kita rebus buat cemilan malam yang sehat lah. Karena aku ga pun ya panci, jadi kita ngrebusnya pake wajan. Sambil nungguin kacangnya matang, aku n temenku masuk kamar buat ngadem sekalian ngobrol. After 20 menitan gitu, aku pengen ke toilet, tapi keluar dari kamar kok ada bau gosong...dan ternyata, O H M Y G O A T ! ! ...aku lupa kalo lagi ngrebus kacang, jadi aernya udah menguap semua dan kacangnya udah bertransformasi jadi gumpalan gelap kayak arang yang berkerak dan harus direndem aer semaleman buar bersihin, hikz :'(

Pernah juga aku lagi di rumah cowoku lagi liburan. Siang2 pas aku laper, buka2 kulkas yang ada cuma tempe utuh n dayur2an mentah n daging2an yang aku ga brani masak coz ga tau caranya. Karena udah laper banget, aku inisiatif goreng tempe ajah ( coz itu satu2nya yang aku tau cara masaknya ). Aku nanya cowoku gimana cara goreng tuh tempe, dia bilang :

" potong2 aja "

tanpa penjelasan lebih lanjut. Dengan sok pinternya aku potong2 tuh tempe sesuai selera, trus aku panasin minyak, aku cemplungin deh ke penggorengan. Ternyata dari blakang kakaknya cowoku udah yang heboh, dia bilang kalo sebelum digoreng harusnya tu tempe dicelup2 dulu ke aer garem gitu...ealaaahhhh......

Pernah juga aku lagi laper berat di mes, pas hari libur, warung pada tutup, mau nyebrang bypass buat beli makan juga takut ( aku juga ga bisa nyebrang jalan, huhuhuhuu....). Pas buka kulkas, eh ternyata ada beras,jadi aku masak nasi deh. Tapi karena aku bikin nasinya dikit banget, cuma buat sekadar pengganjal perut, aku jadi bingung takarannya gimana ( suer,kalo berasnya banyak aku tau kok takaran aernya seberapa =p hehehe ) jadi aku sok2an nakar pake jari ala orang dulu gitu lah..emang sempet kepikir juga sih, rasanya kok aernya kebanyakan,tapi karena rasanya aernya setinggi buku jari sesuai ajaran, aku pede aja nyalain rice cookernya..setelah bout 1 jam aku tunggu, kayaknya nasi udah jadi deh, aku buka rice cookernya, dan ternyataaaaaa....nasi sudah menjadi bubur, literally!!!jadi hari itu aku makan bubur dengan lauk telur dadar, heheh...

Tapi ampe sejauh ini, aku bisa dengan bangga mengatakan kalo masak sekedar brokoli oseng bawang putih or kangkung trasi, meski penampilannya masih kurang menarik, tapi rasanya udah oke kok :D

Kegaringan seorang gadis

Ada 1 temen aku , cewek, single..cantik sih, tapi kadang agak 'gila'. Kemaren dia lagi kena dry spell, seharian dia mematung tergaring2 di kantor. Semua diawali pada tanggal 15 Mei pagi. Dia terbangun dengan perut lapar, untung pembantu tercinta udah nyiapin makanan. Alhasil sarapan-lah dia dengan..hmm, I don't know what the indonesian word for it, tapi kalo orang jawa sih nyebutnya 'Gambas' =p . After makan, dia turun ke kantornya di lantai 1. karena dia ga ada apapun buat dikerjain, main YM lah dia. Aku sempet YM berjam-jam ama dia coz aku juga pas lagi garing banget. We talked bout nothing in particular, cuma saling manggil nama, maen2 pake huruf font 38 dll, huehehehe. Karena hari itu kita kira ga bakalan ngerjain apa2, kita pun janjian ama beberapa orang temen buat jalan n maen bareng. Karena dia ada janjian ama orang laen, jadi aku n temenku jalan duluan. Aku n temenku makan duluan, n kita rencana bungkusin makanan titipan dia juga, yang ya oloh banyaknyaaa, biar ga ribet. Pas aku tengah2 makan, aku dapet telp dari cowoku yang ternyata nyuruh aku ke tempat dia ASAP coz ada sesuatu yang urgent, so terpaksalah temenku nganter aku ke tempat cowoku n ngedrop aku disana. Saking buru2nya kita, aku lupa sama sekali buat bungkusin ni temen makanan titipannya dia. Betenya lagi, gara2 aku terpaksa nemuin cowoku, temen2ku jadi pada ilfil n sepakat batalin jalan barengnya.

Jadi terpuruklah temenku ini sendirian di kantornya, tanpa kendaraan coz lagi dibawa ama temen kerjanya, tanpa bahan makanan apapun di kulkasnya. Akhirnya dia nelpon salah satu temennya, nitip chinese food Koloke. Dengan terngiler2 dia bayangin koloke yang renyak, dengan bumbu kuahnya yang warna merah orange seger, dimakan pake nasi anget, hmm...Ternyata, yang dateng adalah koloke yang udah ga renyah lagi, terapung didalem kuahnya yang berwarna ITEM!!Ternyata ni koloke yang laen daripada yang laen, karena kuahnya ga dipakein tomat melaenkan..Kecap!!Karena lagi laper berat, terpaksalah dia terima aja tuh makanan, dan dia menemukan fakta bahwa nasinya basi.Kalo dalam keadaan biasa, dia pasti udah ngomel2 panjang ke sang pembantu, tapi gara2 hari itu otaknya udah kebas gara2 kegaringan, dia cuma bisa bilang :
" Mbak...nasinya basi...." Dengan nada lemas

Dan si mbak dengan ga kalah garingnya ngejawab :
" masa non........"

Tapi demi perutnya yang lapar, terpaksalah dia makan tuh nasi basi n koloke item.

After makan, dia pengen cari pencuci mulut. Karena lagi ga ada kendaraan, dia ubek2 kulkasnya. Kebetulan dia nemu terong belanda ( aku juga ga tau barang apaan itu, tapi dia bilang sih enak dibuat jus ). Pas dia lagi ngupas terong, dia baru nyadar kalo gulanya udah abis. Alhasil batallah dia ngupas tu terong coz dia udah ilfil duluan.

Karena dia masih lapar n ga puas ama makanan tadi, dia buka2 kulkas lagi, dan dia nemuin wortel. Biasanya dia ngejus wortel pake campuran tomat or yoghurt. Tapi karena hari itu lagi ga ada apa2 di kulkas, dia bikin aja tuh wortel yang diblender pake aer banyaakkk...Karena wortel itu banyak ampasnya, jadi dia saring ampas wortelnya, trus dia minum deh aer wortel itu, eeewwww...

Ampe detik ini aku YM ama dia pun ternyata dia juga masih tergaring2..huahahahaha...

LISTEN TO ME!!!

It is an usual day, sun's shining, it is a clear, hot day at Bali. People do their usual stuff, working, going to school, it seems like a perfect day. But for me, it is quite a lousy day. I cried last night because I felt like burdened with something I don't even know what. I don't know why, but that night, I felt like I was so depressed, like I have fallen from a deep hole without anyone knowing that I'm there, and I was like : ' hello, can anyone hear me?! '. I felt like I was shouting and shouting, and I knew that outside the deep hole, there were lots of people who actually can hear me, because I shouted quite loud and clear, but it seemed like nobody have enough time to stop and try to listen about any sound other than their own voice and thoughts.
I tried, I cried, and I called names of everyone I know, everyone who I thought was outside the hole, because I thought they cared enough for me to be able to hear me, but they didn't. They do answered for my call, but when I asked for their hand, to reach me and help me out of the deep dark hole, they said that they don't have time do it, they said that they didn't have enough power to pull me out from the hole, because they have to get out from their own hole, so they asked me to help them get out of their hole in return. I don't know which one of us who was being too selfish and spoiled. So I just called, and shouted, and nobody was there, until I was too tired and depressed, so I fell asleep.
On the day after, like I said, the sun is shining, it is a clear day. So I decided that I don't need anyone to help me, so I climb by myself, to get out of the hole. And I am climbing..and climbing..

Growing wiser, not older :)

Today is my birthday :)
It's so exciting, until this hour, i have already got like more than 15 birthday greetings :D
thank u very much guys, I love u all, thanx for being in my life, thanx for being beside me, in my good and bad times.Thanks for being so supportive to me, no matter when I was right or wrong. Thanx for willing to be my guardian, my angel, my hero, in any time I need u, each and every one of u, and all of u. I really appreciate it, I hope that with the more I grow, I can be a much better person, more mature person. Not just being an older person, but being a much better person, for myself, for everyone I know.I believe that I met each one of u is for a reason. no matter under what circumstance we met, and what we have been through, but I am really thankful to God that I met u, and being able to be with all of u until today.

We always destroy the thing we love the most

I read the quote from Paulo Coelho's book.
Maybe it's not that extreme, but I myself have tendency to do so.

Aku beruntung dan bersyukur banget karena dikelilingin ama banyak orang yang aku sayangi n menyayangi aku. Aku punya keluarga, temen, pasangan yang sangat mengerti n menyayangi aku apa adanya. Tapi abis baca buku Paulo Coelho itu, aku jadi nyadar kalo aku kadang, ato malah sering, memperlakukan orang2 yang paling aku sayangi ini sebagai people in the bottom list of my priority. Karena mereka selalu ada di samping aku, selalu memaklumi semua kesalahan, kemarahan dan keegoisan aku, aku jadi took them for granted,, I always think that I have them forever, so I can do whatever I want and I still won't lose them :) Well thanks to God, I really does! I'm so lucky to have people like that in my life, who can and willing to love me uncoditionally. Lately I realize that i have to change the way I am, because we need to be a better person, not just for our own sake, but also for the sake of people we love.

Belakangan ini, orang2 disekelilingku emang lagi ada di kondisi emosi yang kurang bagus. Kebanyakan dari mereka adalah orang2 yang paling deket ama aku, dan masalah2 yang mereka hadapi juga beragam sih. Kebetulan di saat yang sama, aku juga lagi ga berada si kondisi mental yang bagus, jadi aku dengan egois memilih untuk menjauh dari mereka dengan alesan bahwa aku harus memenuhi kebutuhan emosiku sendiri sebelum memenuhi kebutuhan emosi orang laen. Mungkin itu bukan alesan yang bisa dibilang salah, tapi sebenernya adalah aku menghindari mereka karena aku ga pengen mereka merusak kesenanganku. Aku menganggap mereka sebagai pengganggu yang merepotkan, karena saat berhubungan dengan mereka aku tidak merasakan keceriaan ato excitement, aku menganggap mereka selalu membawa kabar buruk, dan menghabiskan energiku.

Sampe suatu saat,aku merasa orang2 yang udah lama ada ada dalem idupku, orang1 that I took for granted, mulai menjauh dari aku. Aku awalnya marah, kenapa juga sih aku ga boleh menikmati kesenengan aku?! Itu yang ada di pikiran aku. Bukannya berusaha menyelesaikan masalah dan menarik mereka kembali ke dekatku, aku malah cuek, aku pikir ' ah ya udahlah, I can never lose them anyway " . Or so I thought.

Sampe pada puncaknya, suatu hari mereka, orang2 yang aku sayangi, menolak ketemu sama aku hanya karena ' males ' . Pada saat itu aku sadar, bahwa kali ini aku udah keterlaluan. Aku udah menyalah-gunakan keberadaan mereku cuma sebagai back-up, yang selalu aku harapin ada kapanpun aku butuhin, tanpa aku peduliin pas aku ga butuh ama mereka. Aku baru sadar aku cuma mendeketi mereka kalo aku lagi butuh,aku lagi sedih, aku lagi butuh temen.

I realize that now it's my turn to chase and reach for them, because I have wronged them, and I need to do what they have been doing for me all this time in return, and I realized how hard that is. Aku baru sadar bahwa menyayangi seseorang adalah tindakan yang sangat mudah sekaligus sangat sulit. Menyayangi seseorang emang gampang, tapi tetep menyayangi seseorang saat dia tidak memenuhi pengharapan kita, atopun tetep menyayangi seseorang saat kita sebel benget ampe pengen 'membunuh' mereka :p Aku bersyukur banget, karena whatever damage I have done to people I love, I still have time to mend it. Aku tau kalo yang aku lakukan sampe sekarang belum maksimal, kadang aku masih ada ketidak-puasan, kemarahan, ato bahkan kadang aku ngrasa stuck buat memperbaiki kesalahan2 aku, tapi aku udah mencoba, and God knows that I'm trying my best to do so. Kadang mereka masih bersikap menjaga jarak dari aku, yang aku tau mereka lakukan karena aku sendiri yang telah menjauh dari mereka. Tapi diluar itu semua, aku merasa beruntung, bahwa aku memiliki orang2 yang aku sayangi, dan masih memiliki kesempatan untuk menyayangi mereka, sebesar mereka menyayangiku.

about Love & lust, 2nd post

Lately, those words keep running in my mind. How do we able to differentiate between love and lust? If we feel comfortable around him/her, is it love?or is it just a temporary comfort? I we feel like we can talk about anything with the person, is it love, or is it a very good friendship? I we can't stop thinking about him, is it love, or is it just emotional rush? if we want to touch, kiss, or just want to be with the person, is it love? or is it lust?

Apa sih sebenernya yang kita harapkan ada dalam suatu hubungan? kebersamaan, komunikasi, berbagi rasa dan pikiran, gairah, rasa ingin memiliki, keberadaannya di sisi kita yang membikin kita merasa nyaman?
Apa bener kalo kamu menginginkan itu dari seseorang dan mendapatkannya itu berarti kamu sudah mendapatkan cinta?Apa itu saja udah cukup?
Apa kamu yakin kalo perasaan itu bakal selalu ada, dan ga akan perlahan2 luntur seiring dengan makin seringnya kamu bersama dia dan akan berubah menjadi kejenuhan?

Dan apabila suatu saat ada orang lain yang datang, orang lain yang memiliki semua kelebihan, lebih daripada orang yang sedang bersamamu saat ini, akankah kamu memiliki cukup kekuatan untuk menghindari, dan menutupi perasaanmu padanya, ataukah kau akan terbawa arus perasaanmu sendiri, dan memilih untuk bersamanya?

Kadang2 perasaan manusia tuh emang sulit ditebak ya..

Minggu lalu aku mendapat pertanyaan ini dari 2 orang temenku,what a big n interesting coincidence. kita membahas tentang hubungan antar pasangan, entah antar kekasih maupun suami-istri. Mereka mempertanyakan, apakah yang bisa membuat suatu perasaan itu bisa dikategorikan sebagai love atau lust. Kayak yang aku tulis di awal blog ini, kadang apa yang kita rasakan tuh menjadi ambigu, sampai kita sendiri tidak bisa membedakan antara Love n Lust itu tadi. Sebenernya kalo hubungan yang ideal tuh kayak gimana sih? apakah untuk mengetahui itu cinta berarti bahwa kita ga boleh ada lust ama tuh orang? ato kalo kita merasakan suatu Lust ke seseorang itu berarti kita tidak sedang atau tidak akan pernah mencintai dia?

Okelah kita ambil aja contoh paling simpel. Ada seorang cowok lagi jalan di mal, trus dia liat ada cewek canttiiikkkk banget, sampe bikin dia kesandung2 demi liatin tuh cewek. Trus dia ajakin tuh cewek kenalan, trus ceweknya mau, trus mereka jadi kontek2an, trus mulai ngedate, ampe pacaran. Trus mereka mulai gandengan, first kiss, dll, trus suatu saat karena salah satu dari mereka selingkuh, akhirnya mereka putus deeh..Ni cewek cantik, cowoknya cakep, mereka berasal dari status sosial, strata pendidikan yang seimbang, dll.Trus kalo menurut kalian, mereka memilih jadian dengan pertimbangan apa? Apakah karena ketertarikan fisik pas pertama ketemu? Atau karena obrolan mereka cocok? Kalo pun obrolan mereka cocok, tapi salah satu ato mereka berdua tidak memiliki ketertarikan fisik sama sekali, apa mungkin mereka bakal mau jadian?Ato sekedar logika aja? Maksudnya adalah, mereka ngrasa cocok dalam segala hal, dan segalanya lancar2 aja, so jalan aja, cinta akan tumbuh seiring seringnya mereka bersama.

Contoh yang laen. Ada cewek n cowok, mereka baru kenalan, dari pertama mereka kenalan mereka udah cocok, maksudnya ngobrol nyambung, chemistry dapet, secara fisik saling tertarik, akhirnya mereka mutusin buat jalan bareng deh.Mungkin suatu saat mereka mutusin buat nikah, ato mereka milih jalan sendiri2, putus, tapi setelah putus pun mereka masih deket n bertemen, and kalopun under different circumstance mereka ga jalan,maksudnya mereka tidak terlibat dalam hubungan romantis, mereka tetep akan menjadi temen yang sanget dekat. Bisakah itu dibilang love? Padahal mereka bisa fine2 aja tanpa romantisme diantara mereka. Hubungan apa itu?

Menurut aku, di jaman sekarang ini ada banyak aspek yang mempengaruhi hubungan antar pasangan. Kalo di jaman dulu ada Romeo Juliet yang love each other unconditionally ampe dibawa mati, kayaknya jaman sekarang udah ga ada yang kayak gitu deh. Aku ga expect hubungan yang ampe seekstrim itu, tapi aku ngrasa kalo dalam suatu hubungan, cinta itu bisa tumbuh karena hal2 yang teknis, karena kesamaan hobi ato selera, ato obrolan yang cocok, ato karena intelegensia yang sama, ato karena dia tau dia bakalan bisa idup enak ama orang tersebut, dll dll. Coba bayangin kalo Romeo ama Juliet idup di jaman sekarang, pasti obrolannya ga nyambung banget d, Romeo mikirin pesta ama tarung, Juliet mikirin sulamannya, hehehe. Bisa jadi mereka malah ilfil duluan satu sama laen, trus Romeonya selingkuh ama temen cewekkya di tempat perang yang lebih nyambung obrolannya daripada dia. Jadi kalo dipikir2, sebenernya apa sih definisi cinta yang sebenernya tuh? Dan di jaman sekarang ini, masihkah ada cinta sampe mati terhadap orang yang kita anggap belahan jiwa kita?

Kepada Kamu Dengan Penuh Kebencian

Aku dapet ini dari radityadika.com

Kepada kamu,
Dengan penuh kebencian.

Aku benci jatuh cinta. Aku benci merasa senang bertemu lagi dengan kamu, tersenyum malu-malu, dan menebak-nebak, selalu menebak-nebak. Aku benci deg-degan menunggu kamu online. Dan di saat kamu muncul, aku akan tiduran tengkurap, bantal di bawah dagu, lalu berpikir, tersenyum, dan berusaha mencari kalimat-kalimat lucu agar kamu, di seberang sana, bisa tertawa. Karena, kata orang, cara mudah membuat orang suka denganmu adalah dengan membuatnya tertawa. Mudah-mudahan itu benar.

Aku benci terkejut melihat SMS kamu nongol di inbox-ku dan aku benci kenapa aku harus memakan waktu begitu lama untuk membalasnya, menghapusnya, memikirkan kata demi kata. Aku benci ketika jatuh cinta, semua detail yang aku ucapkan, katakan, kirimkan, tuliskan ke kamu menjadi penting, seolah-olah harus tanpa cacat, atau aku bisa jadi kehilangan kamu. Aku benci harus berada dalam posisi seperti itu. Tapi, aku tidak bisa menawar, ya?

Aku benci harus menerjemahkan isyarat-isyarat kamu itu. Apakah pertanyaan kamu itu sekadar pancingan atau retorika atau pertanyaan biasa yang aku salah artikan dengan penuh percaya diri? Apakah kepalamu yang kamu senderkan di bahuku kemarin hanya gesture biasa, atau ada maksud lain, atau aku yang-sekali lagi-salah mengartikan dengan penuh percaya diri?

Aku benci harus memikirkan kamu sebelum tidur dan merasakan sesuatu yang bergerak dari dalam dada, menjalar ke sekujur tubuh, dan aku merasa pasrah, gelisah. Aku benci untuk berpikir aku bisa begini terus semalaman, tanpa harus tidur. Cukup begini saja.

Aku benci ketika kamu menempelkan kepalamu ke sisi kepalaku, saat kamu mencoba untuk melihat sesuatu di handycam yang sedang aku pegang. Oh, aku benci kenapa ketika kepala kita bersentuhan, aku tidak bernapas, aku merasa canggung, aku ingin berlari jauh. Aku benci aku harus sadar atas semua kecanggungan itu…, tapi tidak bisa melakukan apa-apa.

Aku benci ketika logika aku bersuara dan mengingatkan, “Hey! Ini hanya ketertarikan fisik semata, pada akhirnya kamu akan tahu, kalian berdua tidak punya anything in common,” harus dimentahkan oleh hati yang berkata, “Jangan hiraukan logikamu.”

Aku benci harus mencari-cari kesalahan kecil yang ada di dalam diri kamu. Kesalahan yang secara desperate aku cari dengan paksa karena aku benci untuk tahu bahwa kamu bisa saja sempurna, kamu bisa saja tanpa cela, dan aku, bisa saja benar-benar jatuh hati kepadamu.

Aku benci jatuh cinta, terutama kepada kamu. Demi Tuhan, aku benci jatuh cinta kepada kamu. Karena, di dalam perasaan menggebu-gebu ini; di balik semua rasa kangen, takut, canggung, yang bergumul di dalam dan meletup pelan-pelan…

aku takut sendirian.

—

*Tulisan ini terdapat dalam buku Kepada Cinta (Gagasmedia, 2008), buku kumpulan surat cinta dari berbagai macam penulis. Selain memuat 25 cinta para pemenang Sayembara Menulis Surat Cinta GagasMedia 2008, ada juga surat cinta dari Adhitya Mulya, Christian Simamora, Andi Eriawan, Ita Sembiring dan penulis lainnya. Gue nulis surat ini dari tahun lalu, eh baru inget pas ada beberapa orang yang nulis ini di notes mereka di Facebook. Gue taro sini deh.

Hari yang aneh..

tanggal 17 maret kemaren tuh bener2 hari yang aneh..aku bangun pagi itu seperti biasa..aku mandi, siap2 sambil nonton Inbox, turun ke kantor ( secara aku tinggal di mes kantor so kalo kerja tinggal turun aja ) early biar bisa YM'an sebelum Akunting Rese ( AR ) dateng, hihiihii...aku sms ceceku buat minta dibawain DVD Serial Dirty Sexy Money yang ternyata film itu bagus lho, guys..Ternyata smsku ga dibales dengan ok or sumtin, malah dibales : Telah lahir dengan selamat, anak dari dst dst..yaelah, ternyata temen sekantorku yang kemaren masih ketemu sama aku di kantor udah melahirkan!!katanya sih aer ketubannya pecah pas dia lagi jongkok ngitung telor, soalnya dia juga jualan telor gitu..telor harafiah lho ya, bukan telor yang laen2, hehehe..well aaanywaaay, akhirnya pagi itu kantor kita ditutup buat besuk temen kita n anak pertamanya dia gitu, senengnya nyolong jam kantor buat perbuatan baik, hehehe..kita disana sampe jam 1an gitu lah, dari sana kita pun pulang buat kerja lagi, tapi sebelumnya mampir dulu buat makan di KFC, hehehe..begitu nyampe kantor jam 3an, aku udah bener2 ga niat kerja, sambil diem2 YM'an dibalik punggung si AR, ternyata ada 1 customer yang aku udah lama ga kontek dateng secara mendadak, tanpa milih2 lagi aku langsung closing!!!hore hore, lumayan juga nambah2in omzet yang mini, ga nyangka aja gitu bisa ada tamu, biasanya kantor tuh sepiiiiii banget..

Abis aku terduduk capek sambil nyolong2 YM'an lagi, ada salah satu temenku ( cowok ) yang juga tinggal di bali ngechat, dia bilang pengen beli gorengan di depan kantorku, haiyaaa....di bali tanggal 18 maret galungan, so temenku nih pulang cepet, jadi jam 4 dia udah muncul dengan ceria depan kantor aku, padahal gorengan tu baru buka jam 7, huhuuhu..awalnya kita mau pergi bareng2 kamis siang coz aku libur hari kamis, tapi gara2 ada masalah pengiriman barang customer, aku dibilangin kalo liburnya diganti hari rabu..tapi pas 10 menit sebelum pulang aku dibilangin lagi kalo liburnya tetep kamis..halah, apa pula ini!!!akhirnya dia jadi dateng hari itu..after makan gorengan, crita2 ga penting, lempar2an bantal sofa n telpon2an ama temen kita di kendari, akhirnya temenku ini pulang jam 10 malem. pas aku naik dengan ngantuk ke kamar, jam 10.15 ada 1 temenku ( cowok ) nelp dengan suara tegang bilang dia lagi perjalanan ke tempatku..aku kaget banget, kirain dia mau curhat soal sesuatu yang penting, jadi dengan pake baju seadanya aku turun cepet2, ngejogrok depan kantor dengan tegang, eh ternyata tu anak laknat ( !!! ) naik BMW X3 ( bagus n ennnaaakkk banget ya ternyataaa, huuuhhuhu.. ) ama temennya 1 lagi ( cowok ) , dan dengan sadisnya teriak :

" Din!!!!Ayo naik, kita makan es krim di McD!!!! "

Ayam goreng!!Pas aku lagi pake baju tidur kaos kumal jaman aku kuliah warna pink n rok mini bali warna biru, nice combination by the way, pula. Aku yang udah ngantuk n capek nolak2, tapi gara2 dia bilang ga lama, cuma makan eskrim aja, jadilah aku naik dengan lemes, tanpa ganti baju!!untung ga dikira pembantunya, hehehe..pulang dari McD, kita sempet muter2 di Legian, trus aku lupa siapa, yang jelas salah 1 dari 2 makhluk laknat itu ngajakin karaokean di Inul Vista..aku udah nolak2 coz lagi ngantuk n takut kalo pulang sendiri naek ke mes malem2, tapi gara2 janji surga bakal dianterin dengan selamat ampe lantai3, akhirnya aku nyerah, soalnya janjina cuma 1 jam aja..alhasil sampe di Inul dengan dandanan PRT, kita mulai nyanyi lagu2 dari ST 12, Jewel, ampe lagi paling najong, lagunya penyanyi Lolita, jenis lagu kafe dangdut gitu deh..coba aja cari, hehehe..after waktunya abis,ada tawaran nambahin waktu, aku udah teriak2 ga mau, tapi tenyata dia bilang mau!!jadilah kita nambah 1 jam lagi, huhuuhu..akhirnya dengan lemes aku bilang ke temenku :

" aku tidur di tempat kamu aja deh "

Dia dengan ceria bilang, YES!!!

akhirnya jam 2 subuh pulanglah kita dengan lunglai ke mes temenku. masuk kamar, bukannya tidur malah curhat2an ampe jam 4 pagi, alhasil hari ini aku kerja dengan super ngantuk n bego, huahahhaaha...benernya ada beberapa kejadian penting yang bikin hari ini lebih aneh lagi, tapi ga bisa aku omongin disini, hehehe..

Well, that's all, folks..

About Sense and Sensibility movie..

Hehehe..Tadi malem aku nonton Sense and Sensibility ( SnS) buat kedua kali. aku sebenernya udah lama punya dvd film ini, tapi baru tadi malem aku bener2 ada mood buat nonton.

SnS ini critanya tentang seorang Mr Dashwood yang meninggal dan ninggalin semua harta kekayaan buat anak cowoknya satu-satunya, John Dashwood, anak dari istri pertamanya, yang menikah sama wanita tamak, Fanny Ferrars Dashwood. Sementara istri kedua n 3 orang anak perempuannya ga dapet apa2, cuma allowance yang minim banget pertahunnya. Karena rumah yang ditempati Mrs. Dashwood ini bakalan ditempati John Dashwood untuk memenuhi wasiatnya, so Mrs. Dashwood harus pindah rumah. Akhirnya mereka pindah ke rumah yang disewakan sepupu jauh mereka. Pada saa itu, datanglah Edward Ferrars, diperanin oleh Hugh Grant, berkunjung ke rumah baru kakaknya, Fanny. Pada saat itu Edward berkenalan sama keluarga Mrs Dashwood n anak2nya, Elinor, Marianne, n Margaret. Edward langsung jatuh cinta pada Elinor, yang diperanin Emma Thompson, tapi karena Fanny ga setuju Edward nikah sama orang miskin, Edward cepet2 dipulangkan. Sementara Marianne, yang diperanin Kate Winslet n mengorbitkan namanya, jatuh cinta sama pemuda ganteng n kaya raya yang sedang berkunjung ke tempat kakaknya setahun sekali, John Willoughby, padahal Marianne sedang didekati oleh Colonel Cristopher Brandon, yang diperanin oleh Alan Rickman, juga meranin Severus Snape di Harry Potter, tapi keliatan cakepan disini. Meski kadang2 ada kata2nya yang aku kurang ngerti coz pake bahasa taun jadul banget, tapi secara keseluruhan menurutku ni film bagus banget, indah n menyentuh. disini ada 1 puisi yang sangat disukai Marianne n Willoughby,tar dibawah aku tulisin.

Singkat cerita, Edward meninggalkan Elinor, dan Willoughby meninggalkan Marianne, dan masalah utamanya adalah karena uangnya, meski ada unsur perselingkuhan juga. However, it ended up very well, coz Edward akhirnya balikan ama Elinor, n Marianne yang akhirnya mulai menghargai n menyadari cintanya Colonel Brandon, akhirnya mau sama tu Colonel.

Pas Edward balikan ama Elinor, kata2nya indah banget..aku lupa lengkapnya gimana coz trlalu panjang, tapi yang paling aku inget tu waktu dia bilang gini ke Elinor ' : I've come here with no expectations, only to profess now that I am liberty to do so, that my heart is and always will be yours '. Aaaawwww, co cwiitt...and the way Edward looking at Elinor, it's like he has never seen anyone but her..

Trus ada 1 puisi favoritnya Marianne n Willoughby, aku lupa penulisnya siapa, tapi aku inget kata2nya : Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove. Oh, no. It is an ever-fixed mark that looks on tempest and is never shaken. Indahnyaaa.....

Pikir2 ya...orang jaman dulu tuh,well, kalo di Eropa sih ya, kayaknya puitiiiss banget..pacarannya baca2an puisi, trus kata2nya meski di kehidupan sehari2 juga tetep aja puitis..kenapa ya budaya itu ilang sekarang? bukan budaya sopan santun kakunya, tapi penghargaan cowok terhadap cewek itu lho..pokoknya tonton tu film deh, kalo kalian orang sastra, pasti suka banget ama tu film..terus terang aja aku dulu pernah nyoba baca novel versi bahasa aslinya, tapi baru halaman pertama aja rasanya udah migren, berat bangggeett...

Well fellas, i really think that this movie is very beautiful..meski mungkin kalian nganggap ni film agak datar, tapi menurut aku nio film asik banget deh..tonton yaa...

me and my job inter-phehws.. :p

hhhhuuueeh, for me, job interview is torturing..i hate dressing up and going to strange place, meeting stangers, talking about myself and answering same questions over and over again..
however, my boredome force me to do so..alhasil, jadilah aku petualang interview..
and here they are..

1. 1st interview :
pharmacy company => interview yg agak ga penting coz aku harus bangun jam 6 pagi n ngojek ditengah ujan deres n meneempuh perjalanan 45 menit hana demi untuk kata2 : ' aku ga bakalan interview kamu coz aku ga ada kuasa buat nentuin kamu bakalan ketrima ato ga..( trus ngapain juga gw harus pagi2 kesana coba?! ) coz ongkos ngojek yg lumayan mahal, aku mendayagunakan pahlawan made buat ngejemput aku..meski sempet agak bete coz dia kesasar, tapi lumayan lah, kendaraan gratis n pulangnya diajakin makan pula..hehehe, not to shabby 4 me :D

2. 2nd interview :
another pharmacy company => interview yang lebih ga penting lagi coz ternyata interviewrenya lupa kalo ada janji interview ama aku, huhuhu...janjiannya jam 9, interviewernya dateng jam 10 lebih ama bawa nasi bungkus. dia bilang : ' maap maap non, gw lupa banget kalo ada janjian interview ama lu..ya udah gimana nih.. lu mau nglamar kerja ya ( ya elah, emang kalo g a gw ngapain disana coba )

annyyyway, it turns out that kerjaan yang ini menarik banget buat aku, aku sampe berdoa setengah maksa biar diterima di kerjaan ini...

3rd interview :
ini lanjutannya interview yang di 2nd pharmacy company, coz bosnya dari jakarta dateng, aku jadinya disuruh dateng ke tempat interview lagi..coz tempatnya ga jauh2 ama dari tempat tinggalku,. aku mutusin buat kesana naik motor aja. it's not a big deal...unless that I've never been riding a motorbike at bali at all!!!!!

just so u know, aku adalah makhluk dengan navigasi paling buruk. pernah aku kesasar di parkioran sebuah mal di sby selama 45 menit, ampe nangis2, untungnya ditemuin ama satpam yang lagi kontrol, hikz...

back 2 main topic..ni calon bos lagi tinggal di salah satu cottage di daerah legian n aku disuruh interview disana..tempatnya sih gampang, aku sering denger nama tempat ini, tapi ga pernah merhatiin dimana tempatnya...gara2 itu, aku akhirnya nyasar di legian n muter2 di depan pantai kuta sampai 4 kali...mana jalannya 1 arah pula, jadi sekali aku nyasar aku harus muter all the way, hhhooeeehhh....setelah ampir nyosorin pantat truk 2 x, nabrak orang 1 x n digangguin tukang ojek yang liat aku muter2 , akhirnya aku nyampe juga di tempat calon bos..now i'm crossing y finger n waiting 4 the news, doain ya guys.. :D

4th interview:
=> aku nglamar di sebuah hotel yang baru buka, aku tau lowongan ini dari calon ipar, trus aku nglamar lah disana..well, it goes well, tapi gaji yang ditawarin keciiilll...nothing interesting about this interview, except that i have 2 wear mini skirt while riding a matic, ternyata susah juga yeee....dan ini pertama kalinya aku bisa nyebrang di U - turn, hmmm...pengalaman yang menegangkan..soalnya traffic di Bali tu parah benget, yang bawa kendaraan ngawur banget, kenceng2 n ga mau ngalah...

sekarang aku tinggal nunggu hasil interview2ku, mau istirahat dulu dari nglamar2 ah...exhausting :p

we can and we have to change!!!

hehe..mulai ngeblog lageee... :D
I'm heading lots of changes in my life right now..some people get married, some people get divorce, some people born, some people passed away..As now I'm leaving all bitterness of 2008, I optimistically embracing a new year of 2009.
aku lagi mikirin buat cari kerja laen. aku pengen berubah menjadi lebih baek n lebih maju dari sekarang. aku pengen cari uang banyak, aku pengen cari temen banyak, aku pengen cari pengalaman banyak. gara2nya kapan hari pas aku pulang ke malang buat ngrayain Natal n Taun baru, aku ketemu banyak temen2 lama, n SUER aku sama sekali ga nyambung pas ngobrolin tentang kerjaan n perkembangan di negara kita sekarang. pas itu aku mikir, kayaknya kalo aku tetep di tempat yang sekarang, aku bakalan stuck disini terus. mau sampe kapan aku tetep di zona nyaman ini?!
WAKE UP, DINA!!!
U r still 25, u have many2 years after to enjoy your life..for right now, u have to work ur ass hard!!! hueeehhh....kenapa juga aku baru sekarang sadarnya ya? mungkin karena aku terlalu terbiasa dimanjain ama orang2 disekitarku, jadinya aku merasa gak punya kewajiban ato tanggung jawab apapun.
Sekarang rasanya kaki ini gatel banget pengen dibawa jalan buat cari kerja, cari uang, cari pengalaman!!!uuugh, rasanya banyak yang harus aku kerjain tapi ampir ga ada waktu buat nglakuin semuanya!!!
it's very unsettling t(._.t)
guys guys guys....
Aku pengen banget bisa bikin ortuku bangga sama aku n terutama, aku pengen banget bikin ortuku bisa idup lebih baik daripada sekarang. aku ga mau perjuangan mereka selama ini untuk nyekolahin anak2nya sia2 aja....

well, on a lighter note...

ponakan bungsuku udah sekolah, sekarang dia suka banget nyanyi lagu2 aneh yang diplesetin sendiri, n dia lagi miara 2 kucing, namanya Kitty n Krispy..nama yang anehhh...

kapan hari angpaoan dapet angpao dari koko, hehe..lumayan bisa buat idup lah, pas lagi bokek abis, rasanya kayak lagi laper trus dapet KFC gratis, seneng banget...

kamarku bocor di 7 tempat, kapan hari akhirnya aku emosi gara2 kantor yang janji benerin kamar ( aku tinggal di mes, hehe) ga ada kabar, akhirnya aku manjat atap, masang terpal di atas atap, n sekarang bocor di kamarku jadi cuma di 3 tempat aja, hehe..

malem taun baru aku arayain ama temen2 lama yang aku sayang banget n udah ga ketemu selama 8 taun, lempar2an mercon ( bahaya banget gila!!!jangan pernah dilakukan), n aku coba nyetir mobil temenku, n baru sadar kalo aku olweys lupa tempat gas n rem, hehe..bener2 malem taun baru yang penuh vandalisme, tapi asik banget, meski besoknya aku dapet kabar menedihkan bahwa nenekku tercinta meninggal dunia, yang bikin aku yang lagi perjalanan pulang ke Bali jadi turun di tengah jalan n langsung balik Malang lagi..

aku percaya banget kalo cara kita melewati taun baru adalah pertanda tentang gimana kita akan melewati taun itu..

taun baru 2008 kemaren aku ngrayain di rumah ama koko n sau2ku n temen kita n istrinya..ujan deres, jadi pada males kemana2, jam 12 teng kita salam2an trus pergi tidur..
taun baru cina juga gitu, nglewatin tanpa apa2, n buktinya, taun 2008 kemarean bener2 taun paling buruk yang pernah aku lalui..

makanya aku percaya n berharap taun ini bisa lebih baek karena aku ngrayain malem taun baunya juga lebih fun daripada taun lalu, heheh..


ciao...